I want to eat all the time. I can't be bothered to cook, so i eat junk. I don't understand it. Before when the depression bit happened i forgot about food completely- and now i'm totally opposite, and i want to stuff myself all the time (except when i'm taking drugs or drinking). I want it to be like before, where i ate hardly anything for days. But i get upset and i start munching. It's making me more upset because i can see myself getting fatter and my brother has this joke;
"What's that sound? ... Oh it's just Bekki getting fatter!"
I'm too much of an idiot to puke and i know binge eating is savage, and i'm probably at normal weight right now. But it's wrong, i liked it before. I felt like i hardly existed then and i was always light headed. Now i feel like a big slobbish lump that clumps around everywhere looking ugly.