I know that it's hard not to think as divorce as failure. And, of course, I'm going to be the one to pop up and tell you that you don't have to think of it as a failure. That's what I was told by therapists and lots of well-meaning people and counselors (ministers) each time I divorced......each THREE times I divorced.

I know as well as anyone that those words don't take away the feeling of failure and the pain of trauma and the overall difficulty with turning your world upside down along with the new definition of being "DIVORCED" and somebody's "EX-WIFE". Well-meaning people can tell you that the world won't judge you but you FEEL judged by yourself and you FEEL like a failure at least a little bit.

I agree with Perpetuallysad. Feel your loss. My divorces were relatively easy for me. At least, I remember them that way. In later years, I have wondered why they seemed so easy. I think I now know why. One reason was because I was becoming so emotionally hurt while still in the marriage that I was doing my PTSD thing and going numb so when the final part of the marriage and the actual divorce came, I didn't feel a lot of it. Plus, I was involved in the legal system in Kansas where I lived and actually wrote, filed and processed the divorces in front of the judges myself in court. No attorney fees. The husbands were involved, of course, but in the end, all I wanted was out of the marriage and on retrospect, I actually did not do myself any favors financially. But the emotional part was delayed and I fell apart later. There are good parts and bad parts to that.

The reason I wrote this post in response to yours in the first place was to make a point and this is it. Taking in what you've said and understanding everything you've been through and the horrible and unfortunate things that have happened to you with your injuries, etc., then taking into consideration what Eric had to say about his 37 year marriage, I wanted to comment upon something.

One time someone asked why are people getting so many divorces. My response was because they can. One of my coworkers turned around and asked me to repeat that. He is a Mennonite and very devoted to his marriage. I said people get divorces because they can. He knew I had been married several times and was curious about my answer. I said imagine our world seventy or eighty years ago, when divorce was not socially acceptable except in extreme circumstances. Once a couple got married, they stayed married through all kinds of changes, happy, not happy, mental illness, cheating, jail, alcoholism, bankruptcy, brain injury, sick children, no children, anything and everything regardless. If you suddenly woke up one day at age 46 and realized that the person lying next to you was a stranger, what choices did you have? You dealt with it. That was life then.

Today, you throw it out and get a new one. I have done that. I'm not sure it's a good thing. I am very, very lucky. What I have now is not bad after everything I've been through.

This has been long and boring but thank for reading if you've gone this far.