Hi everybody.
New developments with Mr don't-know-what-I-want-afraid-of-commitment.
As some of you suggested, I left this mister alone for a while. I didn't turn up "by chance" nor did I write for a good month. Just to remind you : the last 3 times I saw him, after I wrote about my feelings to him, he told me he was HAPPY alone, he didn't need ANYBODY and that I obviously needed something he didn't want (he meant: a child, I am 35 and he is wrong about that). The next time, he started a very enthusiastic discussion with me about children and mariage in general. I had to remind him to go back to work !
The next time he offered his help very cautiously because I was looking for an appartment. The time after that he said he didn't want to share an appartment (I never mentioned anything like that but he believes he knows what I think). The last time I saw him he was hiding (!).
After a month I met him by complete chance. He started a discussion again, trying to find out where on earth I had been, suggesting I had probably many friends etc... well very interested. He insisted on telling me where I could meet him "by chance", but I didn't show interest. He then inquired where he could meet me (first time he did that), the exact time and days etc... but no specific date was arranged and I believe he may change his mind again. I think he may just have felt bored because his buddies were not in town. He said that "often you see only the good side of things, but you forget about the bad parts". Like buddies don't replace a girlfriend ? Do you think it is a start of a thinking process or should I give up right now ? I must add that I have given up my job in another country and moved back to France, but I think he still believes I may change my mind and move back after the vacation. He is also very cross at my friendship with his best friend. I think he is looking for obstacles because there are no real ones. I wonder how far he could take it. Could he really sabotage everything out of fear ? I must admit that I was pushy in the beginning but now I started to calm down and build a new life. Friends are not really helping. Sometimes they say what they believe I want to hear, sometimes they give contradictory advice : let's see what comes, don't be pushy, he needs time after 6 years of being single, let him come AND if he was interested, he would have done more, time flies by, he is going to drive you away one way or another, maybe he is going to find another, easy girl to get away from a commitment with you (she did that with several guys right after her divorce)... The psychological articles I read say : wait, wait, wait, build up trust and show that you have your own life, that you don't depend on him. Hurrying things means losing him.
He is a very fine person otherwise. Also selfish, a bit childish and into his habits, but I don't mind. I like his bad sides.
The thing is : I am pretty lost right now. I am starting a new treatment to calm down but I don't want to stop the pain because it helps me to make changes in every aspect of my life. I think I want to wait and see. I think there is progress even if it is not spectacular. Am I wrong to be an optimist here ?