So i stumbled upon this website and thought what the hell maybe someone out there is in the same boat as me.

For as long as I could remember I was the worry kid... I worry about everything I worry so much I can not go on trips long distance, I can barely leave my county without freaking out and making myself psychically sick. Everyday I wake up and always carry the burden of something going wrong, with either me, my family or friends. Again I worry about this so much that sometimes it could make me psychically sick as well. My brain starts thinking all random what if questions... Like what if I died what if my family were killed what if i swerve my car... these questions come out of nowhere without warning and make my ill to the point where I have to stop whatever im doin even if its work go home turn out all the lights in my basement room and sleep.

About 6 yrs ago I was treated for depression and prescribed zoloft 100mg. They would make me nauseated for like the first week of taking them and by week 3 I would walk around like a zombie, always tired and pretty much numb to the world. Although the thoughts being on Zoloft had subsided i still cant really just keep up and go (travel). I start freaking out and go into panic mode so i talked to my doctor and he said situations like these I want you to take this... He hands me a prescription for 150 Xanax Bars... I Have never really taken it before til this day I didnt really want to start getting hooked on prescription medicines as drug problems run in the family. So I stopped pretty much taking my medicine all together

But what im really trying to figure out is; Whats really wrong with me? I mean is this normal? Is this how people really should live life? Is there any hope for me? I been through numerous relationships because of this, I am a control freak and get psychically sick if im not in control... I just cant take living life like this anymore, But im not really depressed like wanna hurt myself if I cant fix it though.