Moon, how about you just being angry because as a child you were disrespected, controlled, and invalidated. This would make anyone angry and being angry would be a healthy response.

It is interesting how you get triggered with your children. Do you think that it is this "control" issue with them that is triggering?

I like the way you handled the bath situation too. We all have to learn as parents. It took me a few years to figure out that outwardly controlling the situation wasn't going to work so easily (and as parents we do have to control certain things but not to the extreme!). Now I have learned and trained myself! to remain oh so calm and patient (and I was never this way before!) and try to figure out where they are coming from (my children). Once they understand that you are listening and they can express themselves their need to resist is gone. Children resist for good reason IMO. We just need to listen. A phrase that I learned is to state to our children "I need you to do ______ ". When you state it this way it isn't a command anymore. They hear it as a request and they do not resist this. When they wouldn't do it I would repeat this phrase until they did it. I never had to repeat it more than 3 times and of course I was always calm.

And I can understand when you are being triggered how difficult this can be because your own 8 year old inside is not as wise as the adult you. Being aware during the trigger of what is going on can be very helpful. ("Okay, I am very angry right now and I realize that my insider 8 yr old is who is responding right now. Calm down. What do I need? What does my real child in front of me need?")