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Dec 15, 2009, 01:13 PM
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Wow, you all are gonna make me cry at work! 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Luce
I wonder if the shame is so loud right now because your relationship with T is challenging so many long-held beliefs and feelings about yourself.
Luce, that really hits home - thank you. That gives me a lot to ponder!
Sometimes the only way to change something is to truly pick it up and examine it/explore it/attack it from all different angles, and then reframe it. If you can imagine all that shame as a black rock, for example, your Ts acceptance doesn't mean that you can simply throw that rock away or that it doesn't exist anymore. It is a part of you - your whole being is shaped on the foundation of that rock.
But maybe what your T's acceptance is doing is causing you to really examine the structure of that rock and question its validity. And, I don't know about your black rocks, but whenever I question mine they protest and defend themselves REALLY loudly.
The good thing is, this exchange between the rock and you creates change. Before it was a black rock that simply 'was', unchallenged, but now it is a black rock under scrutiny, challenged by new information, new perspectives, new ideas. Now it is a black rock undergoing a process of metamorphosis.
This uncomfortable place you find yourself in now IS the healing process at work.
I wonder what the black rock will become when your therapy process is done.
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Wow. I want to read this over and over again and absorb it, there is so much to consider in this analogy - it is so powerful. One of my friends has also told me that therapy sometimes is about examining one thing from all different angles - funny you should use those exact words.  Yes, my black rock is screaming its head off right now, demanding to be heard - I think that's why I keep trying to invalidate my relationship with T, I'm afraid to believe that she could actually care about me.  But it helps to picture in my head that T and I are teaming up together to examine this black rock, and that the possibility does exist that the black rock can change.  And thank you for pointing out that this uncomfortable place is the healing process at work - it doesn't always feel so healing, but T did tell me that I might feel worse before I feel better, so maybe this is part of the process then!
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