I hear you on a lot of your points. It's very hard, battling with depression. I always feel like its my fault some how, even though I can't control my feelings. And I hate that very few people know I suffer from depression, because then they assume everything I do or don't do is because of it. Can't I just not want to go somewhere or not want to eat? C'mon! I also feel like I burden people with my constant sadness. Like you---I always say I'm fine, Always. Once in a while I'll get the "you're lying", but I'll stand my ground and deny otherwise. Why put my sadness and emotional pain on someone else? Not to mention, they don't understand anyways. You have a lot of strength, letting people in (previously) and letting them know about your depression and how things are/were going for you...

I judge myself hard as well. I absolutely feel I have ZERO self-worth. I hate myself for many reasons. I hate what I've become (because of depression). I guess everyone else hates it too--As they slam a door in my face. But what can ya do? I keep everyone at bay as well. I really HATE meeting people, but not as much as I hate losing them.

It's difficult...Living with depression. Anything that normally hurts, hurts 10 times as bad for us.