Lara, I have suffered with depression most of my life. Being a survivor of child abuse and a self-medicating Bipolar mother, I can tell you, that I refused to get the help I needed or a proper diagnosis until I was 40. I believed that if a doctor told me I was bipolar, then that meant I would be an abusive parent or like my mother somehow. Yes, I know that does not make much sense to the general public, but that was a very real fear for me since I am the mother to 5 boys.
The day I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, I felt as though someone had kicked me in the gut. No warning, no sweet-talk, just~You have Bipolar Disorder. I have since been diagnosed with several other disorders and find myself pissed off at the world sometimes. I had great plans for my life, but have struggled with the depression and mania without proper care that now I feel as though I missed out on a big part of my life.
I am very hard to treat and meds don't work for me very long. I am working on my thought processes and self-esteem. I take my meds even when I don't want to. I have quit my meds in the past, with disasterous outcomes! I have tried to pray my way out of this disorder, ignored it, made light of it, ect. My best advice for you is to take it one-day-at-a time! No one knows what will happen or when~ Just don't do what I did and ignore it. Get the help you need, see a psychologist for help and surround yourself with support.