Kayzee,

I have had similar problems with finding good therapists. I couldn't take meds because of the side effects which were more than horrible...ranging from parkinson's like effect, to completely stiff muscles so I couldn't even sit up in bed, low blood pressure, anorexia (it made me not feel like eating nausea sort of feeling). So the only choice I had to try & get better was therapy.

Therapists were as impossible to find as meds were. I finally ended up with one who "did no harm" all he did was listen while I talked.....very seldom did he ever give any feedback. It was like talking to a block wall.....or like talking to my dogs. At least I can get love back from them & it's ethical.

When I left my husband & moved across the country, I decided to try to find a therapist in my new town. Again, the first one only listened.....finally it was costing me too much, so I quit. The second attempt I went to the first meeting & realized.....NO WAY. I went almost a year without anyone but my 6 eskie dogs to talk to about how I was feeling. Finally, I was dealing with mostly anxiety, PTSD....when I get really anxious, I there are times when I end up experiencing depersonalization (watching myself & what I am doing). Decided that I better try again to find someone & I thought I was lowering my standards to go to the comunity mental health group for our county.....wow was I surprised. I found the best psychologist (not just a therapist either) who asks questions, gives feedback, cares so much that she even had another therapist come to my house to help me on my daily issues so she could work on the deeper things (not only did I find the perfect psychologist, but the best county as they have grant money to help the mentally illnesses here beyond anything I have ever experienced. We are talking about going from a huge city of Los Angeles, to a tiny town in Kentucky & I found a miracle here.

One never knows when we will find the right therapist to help us....never give up hope. There are good ones out there & if it takes time....it's ok....just keep trying becase in the long run, your life is worth it.

You do sound like you are dealing more with anxiety than depresion....they sound like worry thoughts you are having.....think maybe.

Look around PC & check out the other forums.....read some of about the different mental illnesses, maybe you will come across what sounds like a fit to what you are feeling (that is NOT a good way to Dx yourself, but it is a start in understanding yourself a bit better, so you wiill know better how to take with therapy about what is bothering you.

This is the link to the anxiety forum that might be helpful:
http://forums.psychcentral.com/forumdisplay.php?f=9

Welcome to PC as it is a wonderful place to communicate with others who are feeling similar feelings as you.

Best wishes.....just don't give up...your life is valuable & worth it to keep trying.
eskielover