Determination was what got me through college with a change of major from music, which wasn't easy either with 8 hours a day of practicing with not getting better....that was what decided me on a change of majors.

From beginning (just out of highschool) to end (graduating with my BS in Accounting Information Systems with a computer science minor) it took me 8 years (for a 4 year degree). I was the kind of student though that if I had a test, that was all I could focus on if I wanted to get the A that I wanted. If I didn't aim for the A, I would end up with an F.....I had no inbetween mode. I know the denial it took to study to get the grade point average that I WANTED. During those 8 years, I did have some fun. I got married, with the highlight being a 5 week trip to Rome Italy where my husband was working during that time......I wandered around Rome & by the end, knew it better than my own backyard. I had my daughter, not that that was fun, but it was special. There were many times when my husband wanted to go somewhere while I was in the middle of studying & wasn't about to be bothered......so it created conflict....but I wasn't about to let go of my goal & end up with an F because I went & have fun that could really wait until after the test.

My career went the same way....I was focused & deadlines that took 70 hour work weeks were normal. However during that time, I always look my lunch hour to beat the snot out of the racquettball, playing racquettball with the guys I worked with. Sometimes the ball had the face of my manager on it or the lead engineer, or a difficult person I was working with.....but it relieved my stress & it won me brownie points with the guys (expecially when I beat them).

Now I don't have my career, I left my husband (I LEFT). Things are now done on MY TIME when I feel like it.....& sometimes on my dogs time when their tummies are growling because I forgot to feed them on time. I do the things that I want to do before I do other things because they don't matter. When they start to matter, then they get put on the "To Do list" & priorities get set by what seems to be the most important. Kitchen dishes need washed especially in the summer to keep the ants away (living on a farm in the country presents a whole set of issues I didn't have in the city). Food has to be put away to keep the mice away. Now I am driven by things needing to be done like mowing the lawn with my lawn tractor....I have to mow it before I can't drive through it.....need not determines getting things done.....many times I just don't do thinge until they absolutely NEED to be done.

I do feel better when I clean up a mess or clutter, or get myself organized the way I always was before in my life. It does feel better, but there are some days when I just don't care & until I care, I usually don't bother.

For me, I have been lucky because I always have a point where I do care..it's just a little farther between the caring than it was before. When I stop caring is when I know I am in trouble....which is what happened when I lived with my husband.....I quit caring about everything & I didn't like the way I felt......the move made a difference in caring.....but I don't have the energy or the drive to make it happen as often as I used to.....so life goes on & nothing is worse for my not getting some things done sooner than later.

If it doesn't make a difference, don't sweat it until it does.

This is eskielovers new style of living. I have another friend that has her farm out in the country. She says how good it is all the work I do.....she looks at those things on her farm & can't figure out how to do them, so doesn't bother....she says at least I get started & work on it slowly.....better than not working on it at all.

It's all in the perspective.....all in the need & how you feel about leaving things undone. I think it's ok to wait until something bothers you to end up doing it as that is really when it finally needs to be done....so what's the problem with that?

One can be determined & disciplined on a different time schedule than someone else & it's still ok.
Eskielovers philosophy on life