Are you truely not wanting to get better, or too tired or scared to keep trying? I have been in that position many times. I may not always be thinking of new and creative ways to die, but I have many times wished I just be in an eternal sleep or be dead. Only I'm a little hessitant about what my afterlife may have to offer. Sometimes I get to the point where my desire to not exist, becomes a desire to end my life. It seems to get to that point when I feel like I have tried everything and nothing has really worked, or I see my future as hopeless and going nowhere.
We only change when the pain of change becomes less than the pain of staying the same. So you have to choose. Stay in the same misery and state of numbess you are in, or do something about it and try something new.