I promised myself I wouldn't do anything self harming during my christmas break, just to see how far I could go--I even left my razors back in the dorm just so I wouldn't be easily tempted by it. But so much for that. I mean, I really didn't do anything too bad-- instead of cutting, I burnt myself with a match, so it's just a TINY mark on my arm and a few TINY marks on my leg. I actually did the few on my leg last night, and the one on my arm just now. Nothing really damaging--I felt like I just needed the pain, and there's something about burn pain that's different from cutting pain... idk what it is. But I can't keep rationalizing things...it's still self injury, I know, no matter how tiny the mark is... I stopped myself just now after the single burn on my arm, but now it's like one tiny mark isn't enough--I want more. Dammit, I shouldn't have even started... **** me.

Before doing it just now, I told myself that my counselor doesn't have to know about it... I suppose I should forgive myself--I mean, it was a slip-up, and I guess there's not much to do now except get back up and try again, assuming I can grow the ovaries to partake in a bit more self-control next time...jeez, i feel pathetic... >:/
The counselor doesn't HAVE to know about it as long as I'm still trying, right? I mean, I guess I won't lie to him if he asks, but if he doesn't then... who am I kidding, of course he's gonna ask... nevermind then.

I actually feel a bit better after typing my thoughts out... Well, case in point, I had a slip-up, albeit a small one, and I'm starting over. Wish me luck.

On a happier note, I'm finished with my fall semester classes, exams are out of the way, and I'm home so I have something to celebrate then -- three weeks of free time to enjoy and afternoons to sleep through! Rock on...