"Nothing is really wrong, it's not a solvable problem, it's just my depression acting up again and turning my life to crap. And I'll admit that what solutions are there, aren't ones I'm ready or want to face."

So, nothing is really wrong but you hate hating yourself? Oh? You bludgeon yourself unmercifully at every opportunity and wonder why you hate yourself? But nothing is really wrong? Ya, right.

The malaise that plagues you is not a solvable problem? Okay, but no problem is solvable if you do not want to solve it.

It's just your depression acting up again and turning your life into crap. So, depression is something you view as an integral part of you? Something ever present that will periodically turn your life into crap, because it is unsolvable? Nonetheless, you hate yourself for a problem that is, according to you, unsolvable?

But you know better: "And I'll admit that what solutions are there, aren't ones I'm ready or want to face." So then, you choose to accept the torment and misery you so often describe rather than risk venturing out of your comfort zone to face implementing solutions you recognize are available?

The irony is not that you will fail at school, or in the eyes of your parents and friends. The irony is that you do not have the confidence to try to make your life better, even though you have displayed a fierce determination and iron will to get to where you are now even while experiencing continuous and extreme distress.

I ask your indulgence in two regards. First, look yourself in the eye in a mirror and tell yourself you are a valuable, lovable, caring person capable of great kindness and compassion.

Second, what are the solutions you are not ready to face?

Rooting for you.