You have not convinced me you are stupid. I think you have bought into what other people have told you. Your perception of yourself likely is the reason you put up with a boyfriend that you acknowledge emotionally abuses you. Your fear of abandonment is part of the equation. I expect you accept responsibility for every disagreement or misunderstanding.

Would you boyfriend agree to joint counseling? My suggestion is for you to get counseling to sort out the distortions about your self-image. When the time is right, the two of you could work on getting better at communicating with each other.

If something is not done, I expect the relationship will leave you even less fulfilled no matter how hard you try.

Good luck.