dontknowwhattodo: My girlfriend is suffering from this illness and is not getting any help whatsoever, due to not having health insurance. She has been very distant towards me lately and never wants me around. I want to help her, but at the same time it makes me feel like I'm such a piece of garbage. I have no idea how to go about this situation anymore. I know I can't completely take off on her because she needs people right now, but I feel as if she is pushing me away on purpose most of the time.

Hello don'tknowwhattodo,
I shifted this response from the "Never Stop Caring" discussion because I know you're new and you might not know to go back and check the discussion for responses.

You may find it reassuring to know that I've spent the past several years learning about severe forms of mental illness after experiencing psychosis several years ago. As a result, I'm quite well versed in a great deal of the options, the terminology, the symptoms, etc. In spite of all that, there's times I don't know what to do either! However I am learning so here's some suggestions that might help you.

Step 1: Learn everything you can about the disorder. Bear in mind that a dry list of symptoms seldom captures the reality of how those symptoms may manifest in your life and the life of your girlfriend.

Step 2: Learn to identify the phases she may be in. As a general rule of thumb there are three phases: Depressed -- Stable -- Manic. I'm finding that I respond differently to different phases with my child and that this different response is necessary.

Step 3: Find a support group for yourself. I'm finding it helpful to converse with other people who actually have the disorder because I have faith that they have insights that dry medically oriented articles just can't offer to me but I also have places I can go or people I can talk too when I'm feeling overwhelmed or exhausted or burnt-out.

Step 4: Try to solicit some help from her family. I'm certain I read a post of yours somewhere that said her family seems to be blind to what's going on. They probably aren't, but maybe they don't know how to talk about it. Also, loyalty to the family member can inhibit them from talking openly about what's happening but that might change if you initiate a conversation. It's probably best to choose a time when you're feeling relatively calm; it might even be helpful to choose a place outside of the household. Share what you've learned about bipolar disorder with her family members and express your specific concerns -- for her, for you and maybe even for them.

Step 5: Begin to seek out local support resources that may be able to help your girlfriend. Some communities have mental health hotlines and this can be a good place to begin. Alternatively, look for local support groups. Both options can help point you in the direction of local resources even for those people who do not have health insurance.

Step 6: Accept that it is a learning process that you will get better at as you go along. Initially, it's so challenging and such a struggle because you don't yet understand exactly what you're dealing with or where you can go to find the help you both need. As you seek out your own answers, you'll figure that out.

Step 7: Obviously you love your girlfriend -- if you didn't, you wouldn't be so distressed by all of this. Try to hold on to that vision.

Step 8: Know that you can't do this alone. You need personal and professional support as does your girlfriend. Your stress levels are so high right now because it sounds like you have been trying to deal with this on your own and it's too much for you to address on your own.

Step 9: Know that you can't do it for her. She has to make the decision within herself to want to move towards wellness and recovery however you can help line up some options for her.

Step 10: Come back and ask for more help if you need it.