Byzantine has sent you a very good post and has paid you the huge compliment of assuming that you can handle it and his suggestions. I agree with him: I think you can! Self hate is largely a habit, a way of bashing yourself and then saying to life "hey, don't hit me! I'm already doing it!" It's an easy thing to get into when you are depressed, but the habit continues even when your not (general "you" not "justfloating you") feeling depressed perse, and will set you up more easily for another fall in the future.
There is a reason why the Catholic church tried to outlaw self flagellation throughout it's history and actually managed too do just that a long time ago. Abusing oneself is not a healthy, reasoning or constructive habit, but one that causes damage that go far beyond the physical. It's not modesty, it's not really meekness, and it is certainly not a way to avoid making the same mistakes over and over again. For that you need to be able to learn, and learning needs calmness, focus and confidence.
You are so smart, Just Floating. You have a presence in your writing that is beyond your years and a wisdom to match. Dperession doesn't have to be a definition of what you are. Sure, He'd love to be your everything, but I think you could do better. Honestly. Sorry if this sounds like the sermon from Hell. It was not intended to be. Huggs, anyway, and take what you think you can use, OK?