(((((((feelingsad)))))))

I think the best advice I could give you is to get a therapist (if possible).
Bouncing off your thoughts and feelings with a professional can be so helpful. It is for me. PM me and I can help you locate one in your area if you live in the US.

I am so sorry you are hurting this much. I know when my uncle cut himself off from the family it hurt like hell. It still makes me sad. But I got over the worst of it with time and by talking with my T.

Best Wishes