I havent seen my t since Dec1st, and will see her Dec31st, and all I can do is call her voicemail, and if she answers, I hang up since i am not sure what to say. I am trying to journal but cant seem to get anything out on paper. Part of me hates her for having put all this time in between sessions, cause I am thinking maybe i am better off with out therapy. I don't feel connected to her at all anymore. I fear that this time away has done damage and I am not going to beable to get things back to were they would have been. I feel lost without her;yet I have been able to manage just fine without her. Calling her voicemail now. Well I left a message telling her what I am doing. (posting on a website) and that I feel I lost connection with her. When I do see her it will be like seeing someone for the first time, and I hate the feeling like starting over. I hate her for doing this! I keep thinking or feeling that if I had only done better, been a better client, done my DBT homework,done the things she asked, she would not have put me on DBT vacation. For the first time in a while I feel like self harming. But will take my meds and go to bed. thanks for letting me vent some and listening!