Seems like a decent article, I'll work my way through it and see how "I" come out at the other end.

For a moment, close your eyes and imagine your boundary.

I am more attuned to my physical boundary than my abstract boundaries. That could be why I've been in situations most people would never get involved in, but another part of the reason for that is a wide audience of empathy. I've learned lessons in the most remarkable places... homeless people for example have taught me the value of a hot meal, a friend at your back, a roof over my head......

Everything inside of the boundary is YOU, everything outside is OTHER.

I understand the intent of this statement to mean we can choose what has an effect on us. I think it's important however, to be mindful that OTHERs are connected to me, and I to them, socially. Being seperate is not an open door to apathy.

You are in charge of what you allow into your boundary. If something comes at you that you agree with or fits your experience of yourself, you can choose to allow it in and incorporate it into your "I" messages and self-talk. If, however, something is not a part of you or is not true for you, you can choose to leave it outside of your boundary.

I don't disagree that the power of choice is completely the property of he or she who possesses it, yet I'm considering that choice and correct choice are not synonymous. If I choose to put low grade fuel in my high grade car, I must be responsible for the outcome of clogged fuel lines and poor performance.

If, however, something is not a part of you or is not true for you, you can choose to leave it outside of your boundary.

This assumes that I know what is true before I can know if it's true for me. Wish I could.....

Many of us struggle with "You" statements or critical comments that may be thrown our way. Often, people share with me their deep hurt from what others say or think. They have not developed an internal mechanism for disarming these potentially toxic messages.

I think I'd like to develop a more critical eye in reference to this. Before I disarm a "negative" remark, I'd like to be sure if it is truly toxic, or simply painful. If I disarm every negative statement, I might miss one or two that are true and it is me who suffers in the end.

If someone pays you a compliment, you can choose to take it in, but it is still about the other.

I agree with this statement, but think it's incomplete. I can also choose to take the compliment into my boundary and make not the compliment, but the trait which was complimented, a part of who I am. I can then further choose to develop that trait to a higher potential. Self recognition and self-reward (patting ourself on the back, or a full blown celebration) builds positive self image and healthy self esteem. Egocentricity is something else.....

If I tell you that I hate the same thing, I am still telling you something about me.

I'm probably telling you about the dragon.

However, it is more commonly true that we hear critical and toxic messages that we internalize and make part of our own self-talk. As an adult, being aware of these critical messages, and making the choice to re-evaluate whether the messages are Yours, or belong in the realm of the Other, allows you to begin the process of changing your old self-talk into new empowering, nurturing messages. It is the first step toward defusing and disowning a message that has no place in your repertoire of self-talk.

Amen to that !!!

"You" messages usually are inherently boundary violations.

Oddly enough, this is true even for the statement "I love you". We can choose to accept the Others love, or reject it as we would "I hate you." Some "love" is as toxic as hate.

You are the only one living in your body, and the only one who can report to an Other what you think or feel. Others can ask, they may assume, but they cannot KNOW until we tell them with our "I" statements.

If someone is not interested in your "I" statement, you are not in a healthy situation. To expect our own "I" statement to be respected, we also need to respect the Others expectation for equal treatment. We cannot in good conscience disregard the ideas of another and demand attention to our own from that same person.

Living with the "I" keeps your boundary clear and the Self empowered.

I disagree with the last portion of this statement. Nothing about self-awareness is empowering except that having self awareness can tell us whether or not we are sefl-empowered.

Our self empowerment comes from knowing, and acting upon, the belief that as an individual we are accorded a range of human rights due to all people everywhere and granted for the sole reason that we are present in any situation.

Not to be cynical, but , in my opinion, knowing the "I" is not exactly a definition of beauty. Many know exactly where thier "I" boundaries lie and still are toxic because of an inability to differentiate truth and protecting self-image.

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius