pixy, there are no words anyone can say to take away your pain. As far as whether your friend would want you to feel "this way" is not up to anyone to say. You feel what you feel. Grief is very personal and takes as long or as short as it takes. I hope you have a loving and patient support system in your life (realtime not just cyber). At least you can come here to say whatever you need to. Take care of YOU.....

Hugs,
Pam