corpswifekp: I plan on going to the doctor, tomorrow morning. I just don't want to be put back on medication, because I seem to have horrible side effects with them all. I'm just really desperate for normal.
It's now tomorrow morning so I don't know if you'll have an opportunity to read this before you see your doc. Just in case however...
I'm going to assume that by doc you mean a general practioneer. My guess is the doc will want to put you on some meds but you don't have to accept them unless you feel comfortable with them. I suggest you do some research first and then make a decision. Generally speaking there are several classes of drugs that might offer some assistance: a
mood stabilizer such as lithium;
anti-convulsants such as Depakote (these also have mood stabilizing properties);
anti-depressants (often used very carefully these days as they can trigger mania in some people with bipolar disorder);
anti-psychotics which have a strong sedative effect and might allow you to sleep, they also help to counter mania (particularly those episodes which may reach levels of psychosis) and;
anti-anxiety agents such as Ativan. In some cases, you may be prescribed more than one class of medication.
Trileptal falls in the class of an anti-convulsant/mood stabilizer; Abilify and Seroquel are both anti-psychotics. Note that just because you had difficulty with one class of drugs does not mean you will have difficulties with all the drugs in one class. For example, there are other mood-stabilizers that may work well for you.
One site I often recommend to others who are researching medication is the
askapatient.com site. If you go there and select "Reports by Drug Category" from the bottom of the page, you'll find a listing of most of the medications that are used. You can then select to read consumer reports from real people who have real experience with those medications. It can be helpful to balance those reports with a medically oriented site such as
rxlist.com. If you ask others what sort of medications they're using, that might help provide you with a starting point of exploration.
Your GP can also perform some tests to rule out any other underlying conditions that may be causing or contributing to your current difficulties. I'm not certain of all the related conditions but surely, he/she will check your thyroid; be sure to ask that you're checked for thyroid antibodies in addition to the standard thyroid function test. It's possible they may also request some tests such as a CAT scan or MRI.
Given your current reluctance to consider medications, what your doc might also be able to do for you is put you in touch with some professionals who can provide forms of talk therapy. Depending on the type of medical insurance you have this may or may not be covered. It also wouldn't hurt to investigate to see if they're are any local support groups for people suffering with depression, anxiety or bipolar disorder because those people might be able to point you in the direction of the most skilled therapists, groups or programs in your geographical area. A search engine might be able to help you find such groups.
You may also find some items of interest in this discussion:
Anyone a Non-Medicated Bipolar Sufferer? because it discusses approaches people can try instead of medication.
Best of luck to you.