I don't know how things can get bad so quickly, but I'm falling apart. Both physically and mentally, and it's so painful. I just got back from visiting my family, but that didn't fix the hole that I have. Now that I'm back home, the hole is growing rapidly. I don't think there is anything that can fix it.

I am at the point where I've decided to stop all treatment. No more medication, no more group therapy and no more individual therapy. Really, what is the point of it all? If it were working I would continue, but I still feel like **** and always feel like I've been kicked in the stomach. My emotions are all over the board from feeling hostile to depressed.

Is it the time of year or just time for me? Not meaning I'm going to kill myself, but maybe time for me to just die. I have given up on God and will now start praying to the devil.

Sorry for the rant.