I can honestly feel your pain. My mother died of cancer this last January & because of everything that surrounded her care at home, I was left dealing with that trauma let alone her death. Cancer is a very hard thing to watch destroy someones life & seeing that death is so much better than the pain they are having to cope with. To this day, I am having a hard time grieving because of all that is going on inside me. But I do understand the loss of someone that close to you. I would share my good things with my Mother, & I still think when something good happens that I have to call my Mom & tell her all about it. Even though we weren't all that close, she was always there.....like I was for her.

The hospice group that took care of her the last 5 days of her life hold groups for grief counseling. They invited me there & I went to one...my only problem was that I was dealing with the trauma & couldn't get past that. I needed a private psychologist to deal with what has turned into PTSD & am still working on dealing with that & just a little getting into the actual grief that I feel.

I was the one that told my mother that it was ok for her to die two hours before she actually died. I was back in the hospital myself at the time she died getting a phone call the next morning that my Mother had died. I had to do all the funeral arrangements from the hospital while being treated for malnutrition. For some reason, I don't think she ever admitted to herself that she was dying.....she left without saying a word to me about how she ever felt. My daughter keeps reminding me that her cancer had most likely moved into her brain & that she wasn't capable of thinking clearly.

Life is so unfair....how a serious illness can be ignored until it is too late. I lost a friend that I had dated in college a year ago in April from cancer too, then my Mother. It amazes me how something that serious can keep itself so well hidden that the person doesn't realize until too late it is a problem.....when they keep saying that "early detection" can save your life.....that is true for those who are lucky enough to detect it early.

It does leave us behind wondering what happened & it seems to happen so quickly that we can't believe they are gone.

Debbie