(((Timeisback)))

Like the others, I got the impression that your husband has beaten you. Is that correct? I presume that it is ~ numbness doesn't make the sorrow and misery go away. Any man or woman being abused does not deserve it. I can imagine, though I have not been abused by my ex, how hard it is to walk away from the marriage. Walking away from my own marriage was/is extremely painful & difficult. I can relate in that sense.

You should not feel guilty about questioning love and if there is such a reality. I am struggling with those same thoughts. It is incredibly depressing to see a good love turn to some removed foreign memory. It's much easier to pull away from the idea of love entirely, rather than accept the reality and move on. I wish that I could let go completely, but that isn't a possibility when you have children together. Those children will be part of our lives forever.

I don't know how custody is ruled in Japan, so I can't offer advice on that part. I do know that children who see physical abuse occurring with those that they love are greatly affected. Hopefully, your son is still very young and can be taught acceptable ways to resolve conflict. He can be assured that he is loved dearly and that you will always be there for him.

Best wishes to you!