When I am nervous I laugh. Totally inappropriate to the situation but I can't help it. I can control it usually till I can get alone but still it comes.

When people get hurt or fall I laugh. Not because I don't care or I really think it's funny (falling can be funny) but there is something in me that gets nervous or feels inadequate or something and my expression is to laugh...hysterically. When something scares me often times I laugh.
You proabably have the same feelings or reasons but your's comes out in a smile. At least your's is quieter :O)

I am sorry too that you have had to experience so much pain. I think it gives us something though when we suffer like that. It shows us a place we never want to go back to again. It makes us try to find out what got us there and what we can do to stop it. I think you have come a long way in achieving that.
Big hugs wonderful lady,
Heidu

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.- Alexander Graham Bell