Guys, I have noticed my last few posts have been a lot of Wailing and Whining than anything really worthy of comment...I am writing down my feelings but the negative demon inside my head taking advantage of the chemical imbalance in my brain A.K.A 'Mr. Depression' says that this is just one of the many posts on this site... Why should it be anything special? Yet i know this is all stupid and i have always been heard by people here...Like Dps mentioned in my earlier post it is Mr. Depression at work, surely...
So now for another round of my stupid venting...I'd be lucky to have a few people reply to me given the amount of rambling i've done... I just think hope is a stranger these days...I cant see myself being successful I fear that even if I clear my exams and get a qualification I would fail in my job... I'm always trying to be nice and I can't make fun of people... I know that in the books it may seem strange that not making fun of people is a bad thing but in real life no one likes a sensitive guy who cant make fun of you or laugh at you if he doesnt know you...I think people would consider me as too rigid too keen to get things right or too anxious to not make mistakes...I know one thing I will give it my all and would use all my experience to hang in there and earn a decent salary but i think i might collapse with the stress especially given the fact that i have depression... People at the workplace and in practical life are a hard challenge... When you get things right in the workplace your reward is that they dont whip you but if you make a mistake they make sure you carry the guilt each day...I'm sorry if i'm being too pessismistic i've just been belittled a lot as a kid and bullied and beaten up at High school so I kind of find it hard to put a positive spin on these feelings...I thnk i must be under estimating my strength cos i have a friend on line who is like a dozen times hotter than me and she never forgets to send me a smiley on Live chat and last time she even said I'm a great guy... Thanks for listening!