I do not know if anyone of you have had any similar experience or may have some clever insights....

My fiance has an ex (who is 4 years older than him, in her 50s) and 2 girls at their teens. They live with the ex. Younger one still comes to visit us every other weekend, older one stopped coming to us about 5 months ago and has no relationship with me (her choice). I am a lot younger than my man.

When we told the kids, about a year ago, that we are to be married, neither of them said very much. The little one hugged me with congratulations and the older one said nothing, only that she was surprised. I told them that I would like them to take part and be my flower girls. About a week later, the older one had a chat with my fiance and told him that I am an outsider and that I am horrible. That they should be my bridesmaids and not flower girls as they are the closest to him. That they want to be the centre piece and probably some other things that my boyfriend did not want to tell me...

I know that their mother is behind all this and manipulating everything. I think she also told him that if he marries me he wont see his kids. As a result of this and out trauma from his last marriage and divorce he now wont set a wedding date with me... though he loves me and wants kids with me. I want us to get married and wish his ex would stop manipulating. I know I cant stop her (there is no communication between us as she overstepped the mark few times and invaded our privacy). Any clever ways of dealing with this?