I'm quickly going downhill. Just a week ago I felt wonderful, at the top of my game. Not manic, just really stable. Monday I started feeling off. It's Friday now and I'm clearly in a mixed episode. I've been on the phone with my t and my pdoc. They are well aware of what's happening. My pdoc offered to admit me to the hospital today. I'm just not ready to go there yet. I'm having racing suicidal thoughts, but I'm not actively suicidal at this point. If I can keep the impulsiveness from kicking in, surely I can get through this.

I hate this. I am so angry that this is happening again.