Its almost Christmas and I have really tried to find something to be happy about. My sister and her family invited me to their house for Christmas dinner. I am supposed to go to a wedding on Sunday. I have bought McDonald's gift coupons for children. I bought candy canes and passed them out to others.
All I think about is the family I lost over the years. I am going to give up soon. The medication does not seem to be working. My family doctor does not want to change anything. I keep having nightmares when I sleep. I have been having headaches with right sided facial tingling and numbness. It then goes into dizziness and nausea. The doctor tells me it is stress. He wants me to eat a bland diet and get some rest. I have checked into therapy but I have to pay a spend down before medicaid pays anything. I don't know if medicare even pays. I know many others understand how deep this depression is. I feel like I am just making the motions of living-like my life is but a lie. The only decoration I put up was a ribbon with three bells on my front door.
I hope others can have a Happy Holiday even if I can't. Cathy