(((((lady Catharine))))))) It takes strength to go through the motions, and generally I don't advise people to fake feelings, but on the other hand, sometimes going through motions can help pull up the downward dive of a depression. It has something to do with the way the brain responds to certain actions we have, like smiling, posture, and so on. Sometimes, hard to believe as it may be, giving up faking actually can make things worse.
I'm sorry you fel so much loss right now. is there some way you can acknowledge or mourn those losses honestly for yourself? I found that if I take time every June to listen to a song that reminds me if a relative I lost, and just face and admit that loss anew, I tend not to have the major summer crash I usually have. I really hope that in spite of everything, you have a peacefull, gentle holiday that you can look back at without guiltor pain, dear. Hugggs and warm wishes.