(((Blue))) I know that you don't want to rage and I also know how it is when that happens so fast and uncontrollably. It happens too fast to intercept it. That is part of the frustration with it and even as you become more aware of the process, seeing that it's past the point of interception makes it feel even worse.
Sit down with your kids and tell them what you can in a way that they can most understand (I know your youngest won't be able to) that you are having a difficult time when you feel angry right now. Tell them this will get better and that your doctor is helping you to make it get better. It isn't their fault and there isn't anything for them to do about it.
If you can, try to maintain a consistant daily schedule for now. It will help everyone know what to expect when. Routine is comforting, predictable, reassuring for everyone.
Say no. When you need time for you, take it and let your kids know you need time for yourself, as we all do. Let them see that you are a whole person with whole person needs including the need for quiet times to relax, unwind, just be still for a while. Prepare them by helping them decide what they will do during your quiet time. A family plan.

You want to make it up to them. You can't. It's happened and can't be undone. Of course you wish it hadn't and you feel guilty. If you didn't it would be a whole different scenario. Try not to add more frustration by way of guilt and indebtedness. Forgive yourself as much as you can and go on, taking the experience with you. Each time it happens, it reinforces your desire to change it. You will. But it takes forgiveness or you will be stuck in it. And it takes time and energy and you are already applying both of those things. It will get better.