Blending families can be so very difficult even under the best of circumstances. When you throw in a controlling ex, make that times 5!

You said his girls are teens....it's sooooooo hard for teens when a parent decides to remarry. No matter how bad their parents relationship was before the divorce, children always want their family back together again and will do what they can to make it happen.

I think the best way you and your fiance can make this work is for the two of you privately, talk about the wedding, maybe someone has to make some consessions, decide what you both would be comfortable with as far as his children being in the wedding goes. Then, the two of you sit down with the kids and have a heart to heart talk about their roles in your wedding.

Maybe they are a bit too old to be flower girls, but how about junior bridesmaids? Would that distinction help them feel more grown up, more a part of the wedding, closer to you both maybe?

I think children, even teens need to have boundaries. It is not wrong for you and your fiance to set those boundaries, lovingly and without anger involved. You can let them know that they will always be a part of their dad's life, that you are not looking to keep them away from each other and be selfish about things. Kids need support and with the words have to be the actions as well to back up the words. Once that is shown, I'll bet the kids will come around in time. As they age and mature, they will see who has used them and who hasn't (dad or mom).

I wish you luck with this dillema. Take good care!