Guys thanks for all the support... Byzantine I think what i need to do is what i am doing... I mean really I have run a background check on all that i may have to face in the future and what steps i am taking to ensure that i am doing all that needs to be done..The result i have got from this exercise is that apart from cutting loose and throwing my values into the sea as in stepping out of the house on saturday night and joining the 'wild humour crowd' on the street where guys spend the night using vile language and smoking cigarettes and 'laughing at' others to have fun i have done everything i could possibly do to ensure that my future is bright... I literally hate being alone on a saturday night but i dont have the kind of stuffing in my chest to call the accquaintances who barely even say hi after a whole year passes away...I cant tell them again to come eat out with me when i know that the very next day they wont know i even exist till they actually 'Want' something from me... I can't do it... I mean i just can't make fun of somebody to amuse others and be part of the crowd...So the real point in all this rant is that I am afraid of the way people are these days what they expect and what they look for in a guy and the way i am and the way i look at things... I am a 24 year old adult now and i have had many many encounters with people...I have been in practical life for nearly 9 years i joined work when i was merely 16 and even with this precious experience in my pocket i feel like an outsider with people and at the end of the day i feel exhausted and i lock myself in the bathroom and the tears come out... I am a master fake person... I have a nice sweet sounding fake laugh and nice breezy 'dont want any trouble' words to melt the heart of the biggest meanie to an extent that he or she doesnt harass me after a point but it only goes so far and at the end of the day you cry for someone physically there to give you a hug and take you in their arms and just listen to the hurt you feel... I think we all need that in our lives and even more so when people are so hard...When we are young our parents tell us to say thank you and sorry but where i live saying these words is a sign of weakness and an acknowledgement of the fact that you are a nice guy; someone the sharks can have for their dinner! ... I am sure you guys all mean well and i am being melodramatic... I think whatever advice i have gotten here has been well intended and unlike other people who have taunted me when i confided you guys always reach out with a smile...Thanks again so much for listening... this is just a random act of rambling on my part i know in my head that what i have just shared doesnt really have a solution i mean what should you do get into everybody's head and force them to change... They say you can spend your whole life changing the world and yet not change a single soul... They also say change yourself cos that is in your power... i believe to that extent it makes sense but I really dont think i would do myself justice if i decided to stare at women and smoked and picked on others to fit in... That way i would not only be lonely and depressed but also compromise on my dignity and as far as 'begging' accquaintances to take more notice of me is concerned i think it only goes to an extent beyond which the outcome tilts to the dark side...