Sunny- I talk to them and that is the only bright spot in this situation. I talk to my son (and other children) and address the feelings I think he may be having. Im very relieved that he talks to me and feels close enough to open up to me about how it makes him feel.
The blowing up thing- it isnt that I am angry at him or any of my kids. I am not blowing up at them or yelling directly at them. Though I cant say I have never been guilty of that. But the tantrum thing is different. What happens is that I may be frustrated with something I am doing, or I get overwhelmed with whatever is going on in the house and have my own blowing up tantrum away from them. I may be frustrated with them, but they are not doing anything wrong and I want them to know that. It is old rage. I feel that, it feels like a young me raging at something that has nothing to do with what may be going on in front of me. I am triggered and it is VERY difficult to step in and tell myself to STOP.
Echoes- Thank you for everything you said. Yes, it is SO hard to stop it, its as if I "watch" it happening. And that IS part of the frustration.
The more I post about it and the more I talk about it with ftt, the easier it gets to notice what is going on with me before I am past the point of intercepting it. It makes me feel more in control when I talk/post about this.
This afternoon I made my daughter (my 5 yo) a "tooth fairy pillow" because she has her first wiggly tooth. Just doing that craft with her was so soothing and we spent some good time together. And now I get the frustration of pushing my 15 yo to finish her homework. Ftt and I were talking about the difficulty of having so many kids at different stages. And I am constantly changing gears for each kid.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Echoes
You want to make it up to them. You can't. It's happened and can't be undone. Of course you wish it hadn't and you feel guilty. If you didn't it would be a whole different scenario. Try not to add more frustration by way of guilt and indebtedness. Forgive yourself as much as you can and go on, taking the experience with you. Each time it happens, it reinforces your desire to change it. You will. But it takes forgiveness or you will be stuck in it. And it takes time and energy and you are already applying both of those things. It will get better.  |
Thank you so much for saying this
