In some past relationships, I felt there was an unspoken agreement that I and the other person were to play a role for each other, rather than actually connect as individuals, performing an internal script that had more to do with ourselves than each other, that for practical purposes we were interchangeable with someone else equally willing to participate, to serve a need, to act out a personal story - you know what I mean? It's a strange feeling to come out of the fog and wonder what that was all about, watch a relationship like that evaporate. Fortunately my marriage is not at all like that, which is what makes me think it's a pretty real relationship. We're very separate and different. So the process is more about how to bridge the gap and hear each other, which takes a lot of work but is not as exhausting. But I still feel vulnerable to the role playing thing. Sometimes I meet people who stir it up, then I have to wrestle it back down. Anyone else see a relationship take on a life of its own?

Sara