I'm glad you are able to get away from your kids before you have the tantrum. That is really good coping. Since you are not with them when it happens, do they know you are having the tantrum? Maybe another way to look at the tantrum is that it helps you blow off steam away from your kids? I'm not sure what the tantrum is--crying?, yelling? There was this couple I knew once who were into primal therapy--have you heard of that? It is where you go off by yourself and scream at the top of your lungs. It sounds strange, but they found it very helpful for releasing their feelings and tension. They had this little padded hut they had built where they would go to scream. No one was harmed by it because their scream wasn't directed at anyone or even heard by anyone. What you wrote reminded me a little of that.