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Patty ~
My heart goes out to you because I know the heartbreak you're going through. I also have an adult daughter and she, like yours, took the majority of my time and money for years and years. I never minded giving it because I loved her; now that we're going through such a difficult period and I need both from her she is (in my mind) being stingy and selfish. That she can be so cruel now is like a knife in my soul.
What your situation sounds like to me is that your daughter is getting negative input about you from other(s) for whatever reason(s). I say this because it has happened to my daughter and me. Others who do not understand the co-dependency that can result from a close mother-daughter relationship can become jealous of that bond...and then they set about trying to destroy it, first with snide remarks and on and on.
Your daughter is now totally segregated from you and immersed in a new culture surrounded by her in-laws and they, along with her husband, may be bombarding her with negativity about you. Doesn't make it right...and it certainly doesn't help you in going through the hurt that the situation is causing you...but it may be why she has withdrawn physically, mentally and emotionally from you.
The real pain comes from the fact that there is little or nothing you can do to fight it...to stop it...to heal it. I would bet my last dollar that if you stopped sending emails and gifts, etc., you'd get some kind of a nasty response...but you get barely there responses when you do. In other words, right now you're not going to win...just don't stop showing you care...because that will only give her and others fodder for why she is correct in treating you the way she is. (Whew...did that make sense?)
We're almost the same age and the one thing I would encourage you to do now is to get out and meet people...start dating even though you don't feel like it. You need a life of your own...you don't know when or if you'll be in hers again but having and enjoying your own passions can help you muddle through this morass. The more you have to do, the less time you'll have to sit around and ask yourself why, why, why. That's what I tend to do...and in reality that's never going to get me - or you - anywhere other than feeling sorry for ourselves.
Let me know if you'd like to talk further...but for a few changes your post could have been written by me.
And please, please let me know how you're doing. I'm so sad about my situation but know that I just have to keep on keeping on...
Peace and happiness ~
Melanie
__________________
Be the kind of woman who, when your feet hit the floor in the morning, the devil says...
"Oh Crap. She's up!"
I find it kind of funny,
I find it kind of sad.
The dreams in which I'm dying
are the best I've ever had.
Tears For Fears
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