I need help!

This is the 10th anniversary of my Mom's death (Jan./99). My Mom was my best friend and Mother. I don't see the point in celebrating Christmas or any other holiday/birthday without her. I took care of her for 5 years while she was terminally ill. I had no family support in caring for her at all.

My brother has all but abandoned me. He will only communicate with me via e-mail. He knows where I live and my telephone number. For my birthday he sent me a brief last minute happy birthday e-mail...stating not happy birthday but happy b-day. In this e-mail my brother made no mention of Christmas at all. And he e-mailed me again asking if I wanted to go out for coffee this week...not a leisurely coffee date...all I get is an hour if I am lucky. I am sick and tired of being treated like scum and like I don't have feelings.

I will be all alone for Christmas. All I have is my 6 pound dog to keep me company. I am putting off my Christmas dinner shopping till Wednesday because I cannot tolerate the Christmas music and decorations in the grocery store...too painful.

All I want to do is sleep all day but my body and medication keep me awake. I fight the urge on a daily basis not to take my sleeping medication during the daytime.