You can do this, I believe in. I know it seems so hopeless, but it's not. When ever you feel ready throw the blade away. So that you are no longer worring whether to use it or now every day. There's no need to add more pain to what you are already feeling. Sure, we all have our own problems. But together we CAN solve them. Trying and never giving up seems to be the best thing to do. The thing you are using to cut yourself, if no good. It's your best friends, it's your emeny. It wants you to not feel good about yourself. All the germs on this thing. You don't need it. What you need is someone there to talk too and having a teddy bear with me helps a lot. When thinking that no one likes you. Now that is impossible because mr teddy bear wouldn't hate you at all. For being you and yet no one is perfect. I've made loads of misakes in my life time, but I've learned to stop and control myself from doing so. Have you read the top sticky posts of this S/I forum could help you a lot more. But it's down to you. You could continue to keep going on cutting yourself, letting the blade win and destorying your body more and see your loved ones get hurt and feel there pain end up in hospital. The doctor says your a lucky one to make it alive. You cry and think why? or Throw the blade away find someone that is easy to talk too. Go to groups and join clubs. Be yourself. You are not dumb, evil, horrible etc....
You are friendly, nice, understandable and loads more.
I can see what you are like inside. You are just worth so much more. Go to curch and seek for advice even if it's not your thing, it can help a lot. You said that your sorry and well this might sound harsh. But don't be sorry if you are still doing it. Be sorry for what you have done in the past. Wow, typing a lot and listining to calmimg music just works for me. I have nothing more else to say, but that there is hope out there. Take care of yourself and feel fre to PM me whenever. I use to be a selfharmer but I stoped before I did the real damage. My scars are with me but are slowly fading away. I have learnt something from this and well I guess you'll have to work it out for yourself, to truely understand it.
Sincerely, Miss_A.