Thanks Bob, I really appreciate your post.

I think I do need some time away from the other guy, because it starting to preoccupy my thoughts and I need to concentrate on getting on an even keel again with meds, therapy and at home. He is going away for the holidays so I guess that this is a good thing. I'm petrified that he won't want me back though.

All reason and rationality fly out of the window though when I think I can meet him, even for 15 mins rendezvous. I'm not having satisfying sex at home either, so have been instant messaging male friends to meet some needs and phone calls, and porn. It's such a welcome relief from reality.

I hate myself for this. I'm very very confused.