Quote:
Originally Posted by Prozac1964
Thanks Michah for your kind reply. I'll try to answer your questions. 
1. My wife has been in therapy of some sort for at least 20 years - she's 45. Plus she takes her meds.
2. True I have to think about myself, and I am, because none of the therapy or meds have helped her.....her borderline behaviors remain the same.
3. Strangely my wife also after dealing with years of borderline has recently been diagnosed with Aspergers. However, since she hated the stigma related to BPD, she is all too happy to say that she never had borderline, and is only autistic. 
There is no way that this is the case. I believe she probably has Aspergers, but it would have to be a secondary diagnosis to BPD. She meets all of the DSM V manual criterion in the borderline category, and only 4 or 5 of the symptoms for Aspergers.
She is a high functioning, yet textbook, diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. As you know there are certain symptoms that are very specific BPD and she has them all. So when she tells me she doesn't have borderline anymore, I can't take her seriously, because I know that is not the case. She also has alternate personalities and periods of disassociation and extreme irrational rage, all of which were targeted mainly at me.  
4. My children have only had the autistic diagnosis for 1 to 2 years. And they are textbook within their categories. They are both living in institutions and coming home on the weekends to be with their mother. I think that this is where her desire for me to come back lies - she knows I have an absolute gift with children, and mine love me to death. However she is impatient and doesn't do nearly as well with the kids as me. In the past she has taken advantage of this, and disappeared a lot leaving me to tend to the kids an everything else, while she is absent.
5. For my support I've been in therapy, and take my meds religiously. But, I still suffer a great deal of depression due to the seperation. Being away from my children and wife and all has been like tearing my heart bleeding from my chest. Words cannot describe it. 
There you have it. Do you think it's possible to have a dual diagnosis of BPD and Aspergers? I do. But my wife was diagnosed repeatedly with BPD over about 22 years time and extensive therapy, and I lived the borderline life with her for 10 years of that, trying to research it, and help her any way that I could--------->there's no way she's not borderline. This is one subject that I'm pretty educated on.......but who knows.  |
Hi Prozac.......
Well, the first thing, you are doing ALL that you can. You have everything in place that you can have in place. And having a 14 year old of my own, I can only imagine what it must be like to feel so far away from your children.
Can you happily move overseas to be closer to them, and maintain some distance from your wife while she sorts her stuff out? Can you afford to live apart, but in close proximity overseas? Can you emotionally distance yourself from her and be there for your children in a fulfiling way? In other words, can you protect yourself while your wife has some time to get better and reflect?
The thing with getting better(from my experience) is that a lot of it requires wanting. Even in the times when destruction and mayhem has been on my mind, I dragged myself to therapy and ran around like a banshee. No matter how much it hurt and I did not feel worth it, I knew I had to get better one day.......and find my way out of the darkness. Granted I was extremely fortuitous and had an excellent T provided by the State which helped immensely. I also had a lot of hospitalisations. So, I wonder where your wife is on this scale.......
And yes, I believe you can have BPD and Aspergers......I have a nagging suspicion that the neurological impacts of AS directly impact on the fundamentals of BPD. Abusive childhood + AS impacts of processing emotion, learning difficulties etc perpetuates the terrible lack of self-esteem and confidence which then overlaps on the external info being given to us as children and so on. Like a double whammy if you will.......for me to deny that I have ever had BPD while it was frighteningly clear (like your wife, I was textbook BPD), is to say that the sky is red, not blue. I do not question the past dx, but I am more aware now of what is AS and what is Borderline, or getting there at least
It has not been easy.
Take good care Prozac......keep talking.......you are very insightful.
Michah
Just a PS......here is a link to a list of common Aspergers traits in women......I found the issues with identity an interesting parallel with a common feature of BPD......hope this helps
http://help4aspergers.com/pb/wp_a58d..._a58d4f6a.html.