I spoke with ftt tonight on the phone. I still cant believe that a therapist gives me phone time. She is so good and I did not feel like I was annoying her.

We talked about getting triggered and feeling out of control with anger and rages. She said that this is what can happen when we do trauma work, that we open a "pandora's box" and there is no going back. I was talking to her about how everything, every little thing, even watching Blue's Clues triggers me. SHe said that she wants my 8 year old (inside of me) to journal. And to draw. Or play a game. And she wants me to allow her to do it when I have some time to myself (another difficulty) or the kids are asleep. I had been saying I felt that she needed a voice. SHe is pushing at me to be heard.

We also talked about the dfficulty my 11 yo son is has when I am upset or feel out of control. He is feeling very sad about it. We talked about it and she said I have said to him all that I can say and that we have to do all we can to contain the feelings to appropriate times. But I will stay close to him and talk to him all the time.

We talked about medication and possibly doing something medication-wise that would be temporary as we do trauma work. She suggested to talk 1/4 of a klonopin. I took 1/2 last night and I felt really hungover today, but no rages or tantrums. SHe said that is what it is for and probably working the way it should. Or something called seroquel. Which I dont know anything about.

So, until wed my assignment is to allow my 8 yo to play, draw and journal. I have never done anything like that before. But I will try. If she is not pushing at me, how do get her to journal? SHe seems to push at me when I am angry or have strong emotions.