For me, it's all the pills. I take them, because they do work, and for my family, I will do anything if it means they don't have to suffer because of me. But I fear their long term effects, and hate the side effects. I argue with myself all the time, wondering if the pills aren't necessary, but just the easy way out instead of trying harder to control myself unmedicated. I wonder if my moods are not a chemical thing, but a learned behavior, since some of it corresponds to my parents behavior, but I'm adopted, so it's not a hereditary issue.

I also hate that it seems like Bipolar is on my mind EVERY DAY. I'd like to have just a few days where my thoughts and conversations involved nothing more than simple life. I wish I could just forget, just for a few days, that I'm Bipolar.