Trigger, yes, but I relate to it. I wonder if maybe there are more who do too. I'm not sure what it's about, but I had those fantasies too. In my mind, it was rape, and I was being hurt, and I always dissociated. I got to the point where I was making myself do it even though I didn't want to, and it was harder and harder, but it was easier to just say ok and dissociate than to keep tolerating being touched when I didn't want to be. One time I figured that I could handle it, but I couldn't, and H knew I was dissociating and kept forcing me to come back, and I couldn't escape and it felt to me like an actual rape and I cried and he kept going and I thought I could deal with it but I couldn't and in the morning I was depressed beyond my ability to cope and I couldn't even manage to get myself up and get dressed until like 4 in the afternoon even tho i kept trying to get up but kept finding myself hiding back in bed with no motivation, i just couldn't get myself to move or stay vertical and was too impaired to function for weeks and never got better enough to catch up until eventually, almost a year later, i lost my job. it got too traumatic to deal with it so i stopped dealing with it, and don't do sex at all anymore because i can't deal with that.

I don't know where it started or why, but that's how it ended up for me. If you can talk to your T about it before it gets that bad, it would probably be a good idea. Sorry i don't have an answer for you, but thought maybe it would help to know you're not the only one. Thanks for being brave enough to post.