</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Valis said:
I always wondered why the pople who are closest to you, sometimes shun you when a big problem arises?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Hi Valis,

So many of us at PC have had to struggle with this.

The issue is denial. When something is too big for people to deal with, they often try to deny it. If this something is a child or partner who is beginning to see a destructive dynamic within a family, then I think the denial is very hard to break. People are afraid of being blamed.

I remember asking my mother if there had been any mental illness in our family. She said something vague about a distant aunt. I couldn't get any more from her, despite the obvious fact that my father had a massive collection of tranquilisers hidden in his cupboard, wouldn't let anyone but family or his doctor come near the house, couldn't travel on a bus or a train - the list goes on. He was a deeply depressed person. My mother wouldn't even use the d. word. None of the family would.

I think therapists call it, 'The elephant in the room'.

Some of us have to set out on a long journey of self discovery, and in my experience those people who are part of the problem will cling to denial as if denial were life itself.
If that happens for us, then we have to make the journey alone, or with others who understand. It is a hard road, but the alternative is just not viable. That is my view. We have to get healthy in whatever way we can.

The personal breakthrough is when we can get some validation from elsewhere and start letting go of the dynamics that have hurt us so badly.

I would say, go to a therapist and be honest about the situation, and share with us here; there are so many who know how you are feeling.

Good thoughts, Myzen