I don't want him in the house because I have a feeling my BF wouldn't like it. It's house home, you know what I mean.

Everytime that he has phoned he was always looking for me, but since I wasn't there he would speak to my sister.

He is supposed to be phoning me tonight...

Yes he said that about not being able to find anyone else etc etc. He has alot of low self-esteem and confidence issues. He went to go talk to someone ,and they wanted to treat him for SZ I belief he said. I said why do they think you have this, he said because I've heard voices that weren't there, and have seen things that weren't there.

He also has all sorts of abuse issues that was never dealt with. He believes by just ignoring them, it will disappear,well we know from expierence, or the people who have endured it besides me knows that it just doesn't go away. He has angry issues which he clearly says that he has, but he wont get help. He even did something that I never thought he'd ever do with violence, and had a drug/booze problem but has been clean I believe he said for a year. I'm think that I will allow it, to a certain extent, I'd like to talk to him, try to help him a bit. As my friend said this weekend, I tend to see the good in everyone even though I know that not all people are good.

We talked abit about that suicide thing, and he knows that I Am not to blame for it, he did do it because I broke his heart. I told him on the phone that if he remained in contact more then he did I might have waited for him, I hear him yell ***** ...asked him what that was about, he said because of what I just told him.

We haven't had any closure with our relationship, we both agree on that. I don't know if I could talk to him about that face to face... but I probably would, but in the comfort of my parents house where I wouldn't be alone etc.

I will be cautious and careful Debbie. I am going to talk to my BF sometime tomorrow, so I'll vent this all to him and get his feed back. The ex still wants to take me and the BF out etc.

Don't know about that either, I doubt my BF wants to meet him at all.

I will continue to keep you guys posted.

Thanks for caring Debbie.