I am not sure you really want my comments, but GG, you have got to turn off your "SCANNER" ! Your anxiety disorder has totally taken over your life. You diary entries are showing this 100% - you are still hoping for a medical condition rather than deal with the anxiety disorder the proper way.

HOW many times have you posted here that you KNOW alcohol makes u worse and you will not drink again? You might want to reread your posts just so you will be aware of the number of times.

You have just had "every test known to man" and they were all negative. What else is it going to take to get you into see a therapist who specializes in anxiety disorders? More inportantly, what is it going to take to get you to ACCEPT you have it, rather than some mysterious disease that was not detected in all that lab work?

I am sure many people think I sound harsh here - but please please please believe me when I say in the 1980's, I could have written almost word for word what you have in your diary (MINUS the alcohol - never did that). I KNOW how horrible you feel - I KNOW how desperate you are - because I was in your shoes for 17 years. I actually prayed for cancer or a brain tumor, just to HAVE a diagnosis, but once I GOT the diagnosis of PAD - I was thrilled and I worked my butt off to overcome it. YOU have to do the work to get better...........and while journaling is a GOOD thing - it is not going to "cure" you. You need coping skills, means to change your "stinkin thinkin", to learn about catastrophizing, change your WHAT IF's, etc etc etc.

You admit to having a alcohol problem - and have actually posted about being totally drunk, then swear you will never drink again, acknowledge once an alcoholic always an alcoholic - but u continue to self medicate with alcohol.

PLEASE try therapy. You have exhausted the medical tests, wouldnt it make sense to at least try therapy?

******Please take note - GG ASKED for input.********