I think maybe this is a good opportunity to talk about the word "selfish". One of the main things I worked on in therapy was my struggle to do things for myself and my struggle to allow myself any good feelings from anything that I'd done for another. Or, for that matter, to allow any good feelings at all.

Parents affect children in many different ways. They may impact them with behaviors toward the child or the child may also be very affected by the way their mother approaches life and herself in general. My own mother, who I have always adored and held in the utmost of high regard, did everything for others...and next to nothing for herself. I saw her struggling on a daily basis to care for my severely autistic brother. I saw her pain and suffering as she dedicated her entire life to her family. I truly believe that my adult desire to give comes from my inner child's original desire to ease my mother's pain. I lived by her example and tried to pattern my way of living and loving after her. I believe there are a great deal of positives that came from this. I see myself as a caring and sensitive person and these are traits which I value a great deal. But, unfortunately, I also took away a feeling that taking care of my own needs was secondary to taking care of others' needs. I still have to fight pangs of guilt when I do something for just me. My inner voice wants to tell me that is wrong, but it isn't. Taking care of yourself and meeting your own needs is necessary and healthy. "Selfish" doesn't mean you are hurting others by helping yourself, it means you are caring for yourself so you can better care for others. It's about maintaining a healthy balance. All families must find ways to have balance, but sometimes when the weight is unevenly distributed it isn't beneficial for anyone. My mother became very ill in her 40s and died at age 58. She literally gave up her life for her family and it still breaks my heart.

Blue, I can't help wondering if maybe somewhere deep in your mind you feel it is your responsibility to repay your mother's debts to society by being a "Super Mom". This is just a theory and could be way off base, but I'm just throwing it out there as a thought. Showing your children that Mom's needs are important might in the long run teach them to take care of their own needs as well...and not feel guilty for doing so. This is healthy balance. It really is okay to let go and have your needs met. You deserve it. Everyone does. Everyone includes you, Blue. You are in no way responsible for fixing the errors of your mother's ways. Your being a mom is about you and your children. I hope that you will be gentle with yourself and go to the spa or something, lol.

Sorry if I hijacked the thread a bit there...

I also think that letting "the little you" out means putting down the adult you's protective walls. Let the little girl out. It's safe here and she is loved.