I can't even begin to explain what I went through last night. It is so detailed but do I want to waist the time and space here to detail?

i TOOK A NAP WITH HUBBY IN THE LATE AFTERNOON. Our youngest apparently came up and was anxious and speaking with Dad. I was far awy and trying to respond. They made fun of me and i could not wake up. I finally woke and time passed and then this daughter and hubby and I decided to go swimming. I have been in pretty intense pain for several days so it could help right?

At our friend's pool she melts down and tells me about how she adopted her sister for life and she doesn't understand why this sister who is also 17 moved in with her boyfriend and doesn't call or come see her. She was sobbing. Hubby called the other daughter at work and arranged for us to meet at a neutral spot so my baby could speak with her sister. She was loving and appropriaqte and told my baby she would stop by on the way to work today.

I have been having auditory hallucinations. I heard them talking very early this morning and they were having a normal talk. Later I find it was another hallucination. The kid never stopped.

She is living with boyfriend's family and boyfriend is controlling and emotionally abusive. I adopted this child and it is hurting my other children because she has abandoned us.

I cried when we came home because the baby told me to try to speak with the other daughter who went away about normal/non-threatening stuff. I told her that I saw her at work every day and said hi to her.

I wrote a letter to the adopted one that says how badly sis and bro and Dad are feeling and if aI am the problem, I will move so they can be a family. I really will. I am leaving it for her and her T to read. I have always been the bad guy. Never loved her enough, gave her enough, or paid enough attention.

I have had back, neck, leg spasms for aq few weeks, really bad. Last night I was in so much pain that I took 8 miligrams of Klonopin, 1600 of skelaxtin, 20 mil of ambien and 800 milligrams of advil on top of the vicodin, 7.5/750. No help any where. I had pain so bad I wanted to run in fromt of a car. Legs, back, shoulders, arms. I swam and I showered and I tried the recliner and at some point I got major restless leg syndrome which the klonopin usually deals with.

I feel like running away. I feel like I can't speak about this without balling. I feel like how in hell am I supposed to return tomorrow? I am tired, worn, beat, and the auditory hallucinations are weird becase as I hear them I wonder if they are real. I am messed up and almost want to beg my doc to put me in the hospital to see what is going on. PAIN>