Are you saying your son was put up for adoption and would have been aborted if no one had agreed to adopt him? You say little of your situation at the time, other than you have changed and would rather not revisit that time. Now your condition is terminal?

Wow is right. It is not up to me to judge and I won't. Your posts manifest a person of keen insight and great compassion. I urge you to find a way to get professional help now. A therapist would be so helpful. With all that is going on right now, please, please get into therapy.

Regarding communicating with your son, your feelings of guilt are obvious. You seem convinced honest answers would be inadequate. Maybe so. But you did give him the chance to live. And maybe talking to your son will allow him to live a better life.

(((((((((( IrishMe )))))))))))